


NC1,5: Snippets

by Humbae



Series: NC [2]
Category: Ylvis
Genre: Angst, Blood, Comfort, Gen, brofeels, h/c, very mild stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-24
Updated: 2014-10-24
Packaged: 2018-02-22 11:08:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2505608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Humbae/pseuds/Humbae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Short snippets inspired by a post on tumblr (see notes for link).</p>
<p>Set between NC and NC2 in my twisted timeline/AU. Exceedingly stupid and mushy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	NC1,5: Snippets

**Author's Note:**

> Previously posted on tumblr, just doing some archiving here.
> 
> http://humbae.tumblr.com/post/95107063983/nc-snippets

Vegard wakes up gasping for breath, shoulders shaking with silent sobs. Bård is pulled awake by the movement by his side. He very nearly ignores it and falls back asleep. Some instinct makes him open his eyes, blinking in the early autumn night. He and Vegard had been watching tv together and fallen asleep, side by side on Vegard’s small sofa. Bård hears the broken breathing and turns his head to the left. Vegard has buried his face in his hands and is clearly trying to suppress the sounds. Bård can tell he’s crying regardless.

”You okay?” he asks, startling his brother. Vegard nods and turns away.

”You were gone,” Vegard says after a moment, whispering into the darkness. Bård doesn’t need further clarification to understand.

_”It’s okay, I’m here,”_ Bård says and carefully touches his brother’s arm. Vegard flinches at the contact, but Bård knew to expect that.

_”I’m not going to leave you,”_ Bård promises. Vegard closes his eyes and reaches a hand to his brother. Bård takes it without hesitation. The warm palm feels good in his hand. Bård squeezes it, wanting to convey how much he cares for his brother and to reassure him that it was just a dream, Bård is going nowhere.

_”Everything is okay,”_ Bård says, knowing it’s a lie. One day it won’t be.

*****

Bård knew it was a mistake the minute they stepped inside the mall. There were too many people and none of them cared if they came too close to the two brothers. They were in the middle of the worst peak of Christmas frenzy, people rushing after the things they needed, everyone eager to leave the restricting confines of the building. Bård only barely kept his head amidst the chaos, feeling the mass of people too close, too unpredictable. His brother was a meek presence glued to his side, helping Bård keep his focus.

They were approaching their destination when a group of German tourists appeared from behind a corner. The tourists moved as one mass, speaking loudly to each other, laughing merrily. They didn’t even notice the two brothers in their path but ploughed right through them. Bård was pushed to the side, thrown out of the group by a tall man who did nod at him apologetically, but moved on regardless. Bård saw glimpses of his brother among the taller people, getting bumped by them as they walked by, unable to escape the mass of flesh.

When the tourists had passed, Vegard was left standing in the middle of the floor, making other passers-by dodge him. Bård could immediately see that his brother was not okay.

”Hey, come here,” Bård said and put a hand around his brother’s arm. Vegard was panting for breath and Bård could feel him trying to jerk out of his grip.

_”I’m going to protect you,”_ the younger brother reassured and pulled Vegard with him to the side, behind a pillar where people wouldn’t walk right past them. Bård felt better and more in control after he was away from the constantly moving masses but Vegard didn’t seem to be able to calm down. He kept gasping for breath for no visible reason and his eyes kept flicking to the sides, pulled to even the smallest movement in the room.

”What’s wrong?”

Vegard couldn’t answer. He leaned against the pillar and slid down to the floor, hands raised to his chest in a weak warding gesture. Bård didn’t understand what was happening but he knew he had to do something. He sat down on the floor and pulled his brother closer, blocking one of his ears with his hand and pressing the other against his chest.

_”Hear my heartbeat? Just focus on that,”_ Bård suggested. Vegard obeyed. He slowly started to calm down, matching his breathing to his brother’s and he eventually went limp against him. Bård circled the still too thin body with his arms, squeezing tight. Vegard was quiet. The realisation that Bård had done that filled him with elation so strong he felt nearly drunk with it. He had the power to help his brother.

_”You’ll be alright, no one can hurt you now,”_ Bård shared his insight. As long as he was there, Vegard would be safe and Bård would feel needed. They would be okay.

*****

Bård threw his shoes against the wall, leaving muddy stains on the wallpaper. He didn’t care. He stomped inside his apartment, tearing his jacket off as he went, not paying any attention to where he discarded it. He was an utter failure and everyone he knew would be laughing at him. He pulled the bathroom door open and slammed it shut behind him with all the force he could muster, causing something to fall and shatter in the living room.

Bård heard Vegard walk past the closed bathroom door. He hadn’t even remembered that his brother was behind him. He sat on the floor and fought the impending tears. He was worth nothing, he didn’t deserve to cry.

The sounds of a cupboard door opening and closing penetrated the wall. Bård listened Vegard brush away the shards of something from the floor, clinking and rattling as he dumped them to the trash. Bård gritted his teeth. He was worse than trash, he should toss himself away, gone from the lives of those who mattered.

A quiet rap at the bathroom door had Bård press his face against his arm.

_”Do you want to talk about it?”_ Vegard asked. His voice was full of sympathy. It was too much.

”Go away!” Bård yelled.

The door opened and Vegard stepped in. Bård had failed to lock it. He couldn’t do anything right.

”It wasn’t that bad,” Vegard tried. He sat on the floor next to his brother but kept his eyes down.

”I’m such a fuck-up. I shouldn’t have said that. Fuck, why would I blurt that out?”

”I’m sure they understand.”

”I told all my fucking friends that I can’t sleep without a light, like a fucking child! Tell me, how can I ever live that down? How the fuck will anyone ever take me seriously again?”

_”I don’t care what they think, to me, you are perfect,”_ Vegard said with such conviction that Bård couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. He was crying almost aggressively, pushing his hands against his face, as if that could suppress the flow.

Arms wrapped around him. His head was pulled snugly against a warm chest, covered by his brother’s chin on top. Bård felt secure and loved. The tears came harder. He was distantly aware that Vegard must be kneeling on the hard tile floor to reach such a position and he felt shame envelop him. He didn’t deserve such treatment.

_”I believe in you,”_ Vegard whispered. If he felt any discomfort, he kept it out of his voice. All Bård could hear was how much his brother meant the words, how much he wanted to help. He put his arms around Vegard and clung to him with no shame.

*****

”Where are the carrots?” Vegard asked. He had chopped a decent pile of celery and was looking for the next ingredient for their vegetable quiche. He didn’t have much interest in eating it, but he loved to cook and Bård was fond of this particular pie.

”Still in the fridge,” Bård shouted from the living room. The brothers were at their parents’ house, shamelessly eating their food and lazying around in the large house while the owners were on a vacation in the Canary Islands.

Vegard set the knife he had been wielding down and dug around in the fridge. Bård was channel surfing on the sofa while checking his Twitter on the phone.

”There’s absolutely nothing going on anywhere,” Bård commented. He yawned widely and closed his eyes. The preceding night had been restless, full of memories and insecurity. In the familiar house, with the warm light of the chandelier and the homely sounds of Vegard puttering around in the kitchen, Bård found the pull of sleep irresistible.

Vegard washed the carrots and picked up the knife again. His hands were still wet from the tap and he fumbled with the handle of the tool, nearly dropping it. He managed to catch the knife, but not before cutting himself under his left arm. It was only a scratch, but blood welled to the surface of the wound and started dripping down to the floor.

Bård was pulled awake by his brother’s screaming. He barely registered where he was before jumping over the back of the sofa and running towards the sound. Vegard was screeching incoherently, shrill and loud.

”Vegard! What happened?” Bård asked as soon as he saw his brother. Vegard was standing with his back against the wall, arms raised in front of him, knife grasped in his right hand. Blood was dripping down his left arm, creating sickening red tracks down to his elbow.

”Don’t hurt me!” Bård could make out among the screams. Vegard’s eyes were directed forwards but Bård saw no recognition in them. The gaze was empty, seeing things from the past.

”Vegard! It’s okay, it’s over now. _I’m okay, you’re okay, we’re okay_ ,” Bård tried to get through to his brother.

Vegard wasn’t listening. Tears were flowing down his cheeks and he kept begging to not be hurt anymore. The knife in his hand swung around with his frantic movements, creating deadly sickles in the air. Bård knew he had to get the weapon away from him, with force if necessary.

”Vegard,” Bård said quietly. ”Give me the knife.”

His words had no effect. Bård followed his brother’s gestures for a moment and stepped in when he judged it best. Vegard recoiled at the movement and slashed with the knife. Bård was prepared for it and managed to dodge the aimless attack. He grabbed his brother’s arm and pulled the knife from his hand, carelessly tossing it away from them. Vegard lost what semblance of control he had at the touch. He crumbled to the floor, gasping and crying.

” _Just breathe._ It’s okay,” Bård said. He held his brother with force. After a while, Vegard started calming down. The arms around him became less a prison and more a comfort.

Bård felt when his brother came back to himself. The struggling ceased and the crying silenced. Bård lifted his hand and smoothed his brother’s hair with long, slow strokes. Vegard pressed his face against Bård’s chest.

Minutes ticked by. Bård’s legs were starting to get numb but he had no intentions of making Vegard leave his lap before he was ready. He did reach over to turn off the oven that had been waiting for the quiche. Vegard made an alarmed sound at the movement and clung to Bård with wild desperation, pinching his skin painfully in his haste to grab his shirt.

”Easy, easy,” Bård said and sat back down. ” _I’ll stay right here, okay?_ I’m not going anywhere.”

Eventually Vegard loosened his grip. Bård kept stroking his hair, restraining himself from cooing soothing nonsense. He didn’t know how long they stayed that way, wrapped around each other, drawing comfort from the only source they could.

*****

Another sleepless night. Another nightmare. Just another moment in the endless continuum of horrors that his life had become.

Bård rubbed his eyes. He was so tired. This was his normal now: lying awake through the hours of darkness, waiting for the dawn just so he could grab a couple of hours of sleep. And repeat it all the following night.

It didn’t matter that he was sleeping on Vegard’s couch instead of his own bed. It didn’t matter that he knew his brother was in the next room, sleeping peacefully. No amount of logical, rational knowledge could kill the demons in his head.

Vegard had had a bad day. Bård had called him after lunch to ask if he was ready for their daily walk. The older brother hadn’t answered the phone, none of the ten times Bård tried reaching him. Following their silent agreement, Bård had come over, letting himself in with the spare keys. With his heart pounding in fear, Bård had gone through the apartment until he finally found his brother from the darkest corner of his bedroom.

Vegard was sitting on the floor with a blanket pulled up to his nose. He barely acknowledged his brother’s arrival. Bård hadn’t raised a fuss, knowing how ashamed of himself Vegard was when things like this happened. He had simply lifted the corner of the blanket and slipped in next to his brother, gathering the smaller man in his arms.

Vegard hadn’t cried or said anything. Bård remained equally silent. The younger brother allowed the stillness to stretch for an hour. After that he got up and disappeared into the kitchen. He made a cup of tea and brought it to Vegard. He didn’t coax or rationalise. He handed the cup over and took Vegard’s blanket away. While Vegard drank his tea, Bård made the bed, opened the curtains and gathered socks and pillows off the floor.

The brothers hadn’t exchanged a single word, but they didn’t really need to. Bård sent his brother off to a shower with a flick of his head. He would cook a meal, eat his half while watching Vegard struggle with getting two spoonfuls down, and then do the dishes. They’d gone through the cycle before and Bård knew they’d go through it again, endlessly until something changed.

The silence bothered Bård. His brother had never been good at talking about his feelings, now more so than ever. But sometimes Bård found that he needed it. He wanted to talk, to share, to hear that he wasn’t alone. Vegard kept everything in and by doing so shut Bård out as well. In the lonely hours of the night, with exhaustion stinging his eyes, all Bård wanted was someone to share the moment with him. He sometimes called phone sex lines, just to hear a voice that wouldn’t judge him for his desperate need for companionship.

Even tears eluded him at night. Bård lay awake, listening to the silence of the house, waiting for the sun to rise and end his misery. He hated the days when Vegard was struggling to cope. Bård feared he would one day open the door and find the cooling corpse of his brother. If he had been braver, quicker, more intelligent, maybe this would’ve never happened. If he had just been better, his brother wouldn’t have to go through all this.

Bård nearly missed the silent footsteps behind him. He turned his head to the side and saw his brother standing behind the sofa. His hair was tousled and he was hugging himself. Bård sat up without a word and waited. Vegard came to sit next to him, tucking his bare feet under the blanket.

Bård was resigned to sit in silence, resenting the invisible wall. He hugged his knees and wished he didn’t feel so desolate.

_”You don’t have to be alone,”_ Vegard said very quietly. Bård almost asked him to repeat it but held his mouth shut. It was uncanny how close their thoughts sometimes were.

”I know I don’t give you enough,” Vegard continued. He kept his eyes directed forwards, not even glancing at his brother.

”You don’t have to give me anything,” Bård interrupted. ”You just keep yourself together, don’t slip away.”

_”You’re not going to lose me,”_ Vegard whispered. Bård gasped voicelessly. Did Vegard know what he feared the most?

”We will make it through this together. _You’re everything to me_ ,” Vegard’s voice became shaky, betraying the tears he was trying to hide. Bård couldn’t hold himself away any longer. He put his arm around his brother’s shoulders and pulled him closer. Vegard allowed the movement, only wincing at the initial contact. Bård wasn’t expecting more, content to stay like that for as long as they would. He was nearly startled when he felt a warm hand seek his, hesitantly hovering above it, as if asking for permission to grasp it. Bård took his brother’s hand, feeling the slightly rough skin against his palm.

_”I love you.”_


End file.
